tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
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