his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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