The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
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