i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
