Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
