you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
