I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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