I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
4 words: hood of his car
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I just found puke in my bra..
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Randomize
