I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
where am i from again
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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