omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
