I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
