What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Randomize
