I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
