Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
