The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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