Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
