Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
