He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
