Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I think I won the penis lottery.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
