woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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