I wish my penis had an off switch
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
