i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
