I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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