i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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