My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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