i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Randomize
