Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
