i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
