the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
