Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
We are all done wearing pants today
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
