dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
