Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
