we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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