I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
