It's Friday. Sex?
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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