We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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