I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
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