So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
