I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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