ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Randomize
