it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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