It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Randomize