If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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