It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
