Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
