so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
