On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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