Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
