wrigley field is MILF paradise
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
