All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
