the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
