i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Did you pee in the oven last night??
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
