Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
