Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize
