I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
it was like eating out sand paper
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
